Dating Advice for Men- Attracting Tips, How to Talk to Girls

Some men have the misconception that women are impressed with all they know and all they can do.

How things work in Mars

This would make sense since men are from Mars where their friendships with other men involve doing stuff together and being competitive. In Mars, DOING something makes other people take notice. So they approach women and try to pull out all their magic tricks thinking their trivia or their voice impersonations will impress the woman they are seeking. Men view friendship in terms of doing “stuff” with others be it fishing, gaming, or watching a football game. They see friendship in terms of similar interests, especially if there is some way to be competitive.

How things work in Venus

Women on the other hand are completely different. Women are from Venus, where their friendships with women involve sharing, communicating and nurturing each other– the very opposite of being competitive. Women can enjoy the company of other women over tea, just talking about their day, their families and their lives. That’s why so many women enjoy watching “Sex in the City,” because they see four women always sitting around a table, TALKING.

What happens when a man from Mars takes a woman from Venus out on a date

So man from Mars takes woman from Venus out on a date. She is expecting to get to know the man better. He is there to impress her. He wants more than anything to be interesting. She just wants to know that he’s interested in her and wants to share details of her life and learn more about his life. All his efforts to sound interesting make him sound like a know it all, and all his efforts to showcase his skills and tricks makes her feel like he is trying to hard.

What’s going through their minds

She wants to connect.
He wants to impress.

She is looking for a man who is confident, and true confidence displays itself in humility and a true interest and concern for others. He’s not interested in me at all. He just wants to put on a show, she thinks.

All the while he’s thinking she’s got to be impressed with his knowledge and interests, when he’s really boring her to death.

All this can be avoided by just doing one thing during dates:

Last week, a male friend came to me and some fellow girl mates for advice on how he
should break up with someone. The love
is lost, he told us. His feelings have changed and he doesn’t know how to tell
her without hurting her feelings. (In true friendly spirit, I’m using his personal
heartache as inspiration for this column but, in my defence, I asked permission and
he was the one who suggested, albeit jokingly; “how to talk to women, there’s a column idea.”)
Anyway, the point is, we know breaking up is never easy but the three of us were united in
one key piece of advice — it has to be done in person and it has to be done soon. The
longer it’s left the harder — and more cruel — it will be. And dumping over text
for any relationship over a couple of months is, quite frankly, cowardly. Any girl’s worth
a phone call. 

Slightly intrigued by my friend’s communication struggles, I emailed a few other male
pals to persuade them to tell me, anonymously, what annoys
them about their relationships. And not just that, but stuff they don’t feel
able to talk about with their other partners. Now, I don’t want
this to sound in any way patronising and am not suggesting that you guys don’t know
how to talk to women. Well, perhaps I am a tiny bit. But it sounds like occasional
communication breakdowns, leading to fights (or, worse, no one saying anything at all,
thus allowing resentment to build up) are all too frequent. Sound familiar? As
one guy honestly put it; “I love my girlfriend, but when she gets drunk, she gets
really… annoying. Loud, flirtatious with other blokes. I don’t want to
embarrass her but it happens a lot. That’s probably the one thing I can’t talk
to her about.” Now, without wanting to betray the sisterhood, I can see
where he’s coming from. We’ve all occasionally been that drunk, embarrassing
person and, frankly, we’re generally having too much fun to notice. My best mate, for
example, has a habit of taking off and losing her shoes whenever she’s pissed, much
to her boyfriend’s annoyance. 

My advice, for what’s it’s worth, involves a two point strategy.
Firstly: make a joke out of it next time you’re together. I’m sure she’s
somewhat aware anyway: we know when we’ve had too much to drink and start acting
like a dick. Then, if it’s more serious and she turns consistently transforms into a
nightmare after consistently enjoying one-too-many sambuccas, you’ve got to tell her
straight. Wait until you’re both alone and sober. Play up the
protective boyfriend angle. Who’s going to stop her from falling out of a cab and into
the curb when you’re not there? What if some arsehole takes advantage of her? This
way she knows you’re just looking out for her and will probably thank you for it.
And, hopefully, that is your primary motivation, too. Right, chaps? I
continued to delve through my surprisingly verbose replies. One was particularly amusing,
with another male friend ranting furiously about his co-habiting girlfriend’s
slobbish tendencies. “It drives me f*cking crazy, Scarlett,” he writes. “Her shoes are
strewn everywhere, there are half-full glasses of water in every room and don’t get
me started on the washing up.” Wow, who says Modern Man isn’t domesticated, eh?
Living together is all about compromise, I told him. I’m sure there are things that
annoy her about you too, I countered. And what was my advice? Just have it out. Something
along the lines of, “You know I love you, but if I come home to find you’ve used my
shot glasses to store your contact lenses in again, I may have to throw you out. Now, what
can I cook us for dinner tonight?” Then, promise to chill out — and maybe cook more often
– if she promises to make more effort. Or, failing that, get a cleaner.  - Follow Scarlett on Twitter here.

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Here’s the rest of the list that started yesterday!

5. Bonus points if you notice something about her that is unique to her alone.

Another response I got from a female friend was this:

“I love that you love the imperfections.”

I don’t know when she got this compliment, but I’m imagining her with a guy observing some art at a museum. This is a deep compliment, something that took real observation and attention to detail. It is a man bringing to the surface what is true and unique about her. Kudos to him!

6. Women can never get enough compliments about their appearance.

If number 5 makes you feel hopeless, don’t be. Once you spend enough time with a woman, once you stop paying attention to your own insecurities in the situation and place all your attention on her, you will naturally notice things about her that you love.

Fear: fear of rejection, fear of saying the wrong thing, fear of coming across a certain way, fear of being judged, must be conquered with love.

Fear focuses on how a situation will affect self, love focuses on making the other feel good.

Fear looks internally, love looks externally, to the other person.

Once you realize this, once the shift moves from fear to love, from self focus to other person focus, complimenting women will be a breeze!

You’ll go from self focused thoughts like, What does she think of me? Am I too close to her? Am I coming on too strong?

to other person focused thoughts, Oh, this will make her smile. Oh, she looks so cute when she laughs. Wow, she is amazing. Wow, she’d be a good mother.

You’ll shift from trying to judge her observations of you to just observing her. And when that shift happens, all you have to do is verbalize your thoughts!

One of my female friends says she loves getting complimented on her smile. There’s a tip for ya. She also said, “Definitely be honest with the compliment. You can’t compliment her butt if it doesn’t look good! LOl!”

7. Women want to know how they make you feel.

Have you noticed women love talking about their feelings? Men are typically not as in tune with their feelings, so when something random comes out about your feelings because you’re around a woman, a woman’s ears will perk up!

Anything that begins with,

“I feel like ______ when I’m around you” (that’s in the positive light)

or

“You’re really easy to talk to” (real response from my female friend)

makes a woman feel like she has something inside that draws you to her.

Some of the best compliments you can give to a woman has to do with her effect on you. Like in the clip above,

“You make me want to be a better man.”

It shows how her presence in your life effects you positively.

8. Body language and eye contact are essential.

Part of invoking the sense that your compliment is true and honest is in your body language. Are you facing her? Are you looking her in the eye? These are important. It shows you are confident about what you’re saying and that you don’t give a damn how she responds. You are not going to cower in fear that she won’t take the compliment positively. You give it with good intentions and you have nothing to be ashamed about.

There it is guys! Good luck on complimenting women! How about making it a goal to give 2 women compliments every day?!