FYI: This article is only for mature audiences
Every day I want to ask myself this question:
“What can I do today that will remind me that my relationship with Nate is a LOVE AFFAIR?”
This daily goal is SOOOO important to me.
Why?
Because Josh and I have decided that we have one lifetime and only ONE chance at marriage.
We only have this one lifetime to get it right.
And we only have each other to work with.
I appreciate that we share this similar value. We care about being our best at whatever we do.
When I think of most of the marriages around us, it’s almost as if people are just expecting us to fail. This scares the living bejeebers out of me!
They will say innocent but telling things like, “Ah, just wait until you have kids.” Or, “We’ll check back on you guys two years after you have kids.” It’s almost like they’re telling us that when kids arrive, everything we have is going to fall apart.
One of the things that seems to go out the window when kids arrive is your sex life.
Some moms will probably read this thinking, Omg, who has the time for that? And to that I say, “It’s your sex life!” When you put yourself first in matters of sexuality, you actually send this message to your partner:
We are lovers, not just parents, not just friends, not just roommates. And this role is what makes our relationship different from all the relationships we have with others. Our sex life is important because our romantic/erotic/eros relationship is important to me.”
Remember ladies, work is not more important than your sex life. Your kid’s wants (this does not include their health and protection/security/basic needs) are not more important than your sex life. Housework is NOT more important than your sex life.
I have to remind myself of this, as the demands of the corporate world and running two blogs always want to compete with my relationships.
You are a sexual being. That’s one of the reasons you signed onto marriage.
Here’s how to indulge your inner sexpot:
1. Invest in some luxurious high thread count sheets 
or silk sheets
. Get in the habit of showering before bed, coming to bed freshly shaven, and sleeping in the nude. If you get cold easily, invest in a good quality down comforter
and duvet.
2. Invest in a signature scent and never go throughout your day without wearing it.
It’s something he will get used to smelling and will leave a stamp in his memory even when you’re not around. Studies have shown that men love vanilla extract. I mix vanilla extract
(the kind without sugar) with my Cetaphil Body Cream
. In case you’re wondering, my signature scent is Issey Miyake
. Spray the signature scent on your ankles, behind your knees, on your abdomen, and on your lower back before you go to bed. Why these points? So you get the scent wafting in the sheets and it won’t be overpowering for your mate. (If you put it behind your ears, on the nape of your neck or chest, it will be overpowering and also your mate will end up kissing the bitter alcohol of the cologne.
3. Buy a red light
and replace the bulbs in your bedroom lamp for an evening.
Make like a porn star and have sex in the glow of the red light. Red is the color of passion, fire and heat. Plus everyone looks sexier and more attractive in red light. Want a preview? The next time you’re stopped behind another car at night, look at yourself in your car mirror. The red brake light will give you the effect I’m talking about. If you feel self conscious having sex with the lights on, but feel bad for your guy when all the lights are off and he isn’t even getting a visual, you might really welcome the red light:) It’s a happy medium.
4. If you don’t own some comfy, sexy thongs yet, invest in some!
Express lace thongs
are my favorite. Even if you’re not a “thong” kinda girl, don’t worry. They’re coming right off anyway. They are more a gift for him than for you, but you will benefit from the gift:)
5. Send him naughty picture mail.
Try it! Don’t be shy! I would do it at least once a week, if not more. Someone asked me what the point of this was. They were like, “Why? He sees you every day.” My response? Sex is not just about the act itself. It is the longing, the anticipation. It is the tease before the consummation. So what if he sees you every day? He doesn’t see you naked all day. If you send him naughty pictures, it will wet his appetite for more, face to face visuals. Extra points if you throw in some “sexting.” I read in Glamour magazine that the number one text guys like receiving is the innocent but suggestive, “Come play;)” So if you’re feeling shy, start with that!
6. Name his penis. Name your lady parts.
Does this sound silly? Well, it is. But it’s also very fun to talk about them in casual private conversations. These naughty personifications will at least get you talking about sex outside of the bedroom, in a playful, fun way. It strengthens your intimate bond because by having names for these parts that seem to have minds of their own, you in fact create an inside joke, a dirty little secret. And this will make it easier to flirt and talk dirty to each other…And what’s not fun about that?!
7. Instead of nagging him next time you want him to come spend time with you instead of vegging in front of the tv, let your lips do the nagging.
I say seduction works way better than nagging. Nibble his ear and tell him in a whisper, “Baby, guess what?” … “I’m horny…” Then proceed to walk to the bedroom and leave your trail of clothing. I’m sure he won’t be sitting on the couch for much longer!
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