Dating Advice for Men- Attracting Tips, How to Talk to Girls

Reader’s Question

Hey Doc,I need your advice. My issue involves a stunning woman named Jasmine. We met at a party three years ago. She couldn’t get enough of my attention and begged me to stay and talk with her all night. We dated for a while until she moved away from the area. When she moved back, we started dating again. I maintained Challenge the whole time and even ended our friendship when she disrespected me once. She apologised and promised to never do it again. Impressed with the integrity she displayed, I allowed our friendship to continue. This time, when we started dating again, she said she wanted to be my girlfriend.

Is She Still Interested?

Recently, when I ran into a couple of relatives while with Jasmine, I introduced her as my friend and not my girlfriend. This made her upset, and she accused me of not being in love with her or, for some reason, embarrassed by her. The truth is that I wanted to move slowly. Now she’s not calling me as much and has not even returned a couple of my calls. I know I’m not supposed to be calling her more than she calls me, so I’ve stopped after two unanswered calls.Doc, I feel Jasmine’s Interest Level has waned. What should I do to get it back up? Am I being overly macho by not chasing a girl? I don’t want to turn her off even more by being less of a challenge. Is she just testing me over some small issue?Please help me decide what to do.
Glenn- who can’t figure her out

Doc Love’s Response

Hi Glenn,You are indeed correct: The relationship is based on the woman’s Interest Level and nothing else. But what most men tend to do is confuse
their own feelings with the woman’s feelings. To you psychology grads, this is
called projection and has nothing whatsoever to do with the Reality Factor. What you didn’t realise, was that the outcome of your relationship with Jasmine was determined very early on, when she moved out of the state.
Like my cousin Eddie Love says, “If she really loved you, she wouldn’t have
moved a thousand miles away.” So right there this thing was dead in the water. When a woman decides to put a lot of distance between the two of you, she’s telling you something. Glenn, you weren’t listening to what Jasmine was saying to you. Now take a close look at what happened between you and this lady. First she moves out of the state, and then she comes back and disrespects you. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, “Do you see a pattern here?” If you don’t, you should, my friend.

What do you do if you she’s married but still into you?

reader’s question

Hey Doc, I started going to college recently and noticed Adrienne, who is 25.
She held doors for me, showed me around and gazed into my eyes adoringly when I talked. I could tell that she liked me. We soon got to know each other and started sitting next to each other in class. While we had mostly good conversations, she sometimes ran hot and cold, which was frustrating. When I ignored her, she would always try to get my attention and remind me that she was there. Since I’ve always gotten my heart broken over girls I’ve had crushes on, I tried to guard against falling for Adrienne, but since I’ve never had so many signals from any girl, I’ve continued to pursue her.   Now, here’s the problem: She’s married.
I didn’t know this when I met her. I don’t what it is with me. I always seem
to go for the ones who are already taken. But they seem to like me more than their significant others, and I can’t help the way I feel about Adrienne. I’m trying to get over her, but it’s hard when I see her every day of the week. When we talk and look at each other, I can tell there is chemistry between us. I have the feeling that Adrienne feels conflicted over all of this. Now I’ve discovered that she is pregnant, which of course compounds everything.   Doc, while Adrienne runs hot and cold, she does still initiate conversations with me and confides many things to me in a way that only a girl who cared about a guy would. I find myself very confused as I try to decipher her body language, but she does all of the things that a girl with high Interest Level would do.    This is not a lust thing; it’s something more. I like Adrienne’s personality. We have a lot in common, and I admire her independence. She has almost every quality you would want in a woman. Part of me wants
to be friends with Adrienne so that maybe one day if things don’t work out with her marriage, we could get together. But I just don’t know how to deal with this. I figure that something is there since she still seems to be interested in me, even though she’s married and pregnant.   Anything you can to do coach me would be greatly appreciated.   Milton – who feels like he’s losing his mind

doc love’s response

Hi Milton,  Here’s the good news: Adrienne is coming at you. Now for the bad: Adrienne is inconsistent in her behaviour and her feelings. By your own admission, she runs hot and cold. This is a huge red flag. Why does she run hot and cold? I must compliment you for noticing this big red flag, though. Most guys would just rationalise her flakey behavior and say, “No big
deal.” But you’re bringing it up, which is smart. It shows that you’re thinking. The question is: What are you going to do about it?   Of course Adrienne wants to remind you that she’s there when you ignore her. That’s because you used the all-important technique of challenge. All women respond to it. Adrienne might be sending you the most signals you’ve ever gotten from a woman, but
you have to remember to go in slowly and keep your eyes wide open at all times. But, guy, she’s married. So even if she drapes herself over you like a
blanket, she’s off-limits. To you Psych majors, when you meet a woman, there can be no husbands or boyfriends involved with her because that means she’s unavailable. This should be a very simple concept to grasp. And if she’s married, it means you’re out already. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “If she’s married, you were out before you started.” So, Milton, all of this getting wound-up over Adrienne has been nothing but a big waste of time. You could have been out hustling other phone numbers in the time you wasted mooning over this married woman. So what should you do if she’s married?

You swear that you and Adrienne have chemistry. Tell you what. Try asking her to set you up with her girlfriends, and you’ll see how strong that chemistry is. It will disappear before your very eyes, my friend.

Adrienne isn’t conflicted at all over your love for her. She’s enjoying this whole drama tremendously. She’s got not one but two turkeys to play with — and who knows how many others.

But despite all that, you want to wait for something to go wrong with her marriage so you can take Adrienne for yourself. Great! She’s going to stay married to her husband, have his kid, and you’ll go on flirting with her. And at the end of four years, she’s going to tell you that she’s staying with her husband, and you just wasted four years of your life. That sounds like a great plan to me!

Remember, guys: When she’s married, she’s off-limits.