Dating Advice for Men- Attracting Tips, How to Talk to Girls

I don’t know how many of you have seen, or even heard about, HBO’s
brilliant new drama, Girls (currently causing major buzz in the States, arriving
here in September) but, essentially, it’s the anti-Sex and the City; a comedy
about four 20-something women living in New York and struggling with jobs, boyfriends and
the rest of it. It’s the closest a TV show has come to depicting the distinct personalities of different women – good, bad and ugly. Whilst
it would be impossible and insulting to claim all women fall into categories, there are,
and I’m sure fellow females would agree, a few similar characters you will all
encounter at some point.

The Girl’s Girl

I’m definitely a Girl’s Girl. I clapped when Ross and Rachel
finally kissed, I have a pink iPod case and work on a women’s magazine. But I also banter with
my male friends, play pool and love The Who. Note: The GG is not
‘girlie’, a derogatory term which brings to mind braided hair and a My
Little Pony lunchbox (although, I totally had one of those. But, crucially: when I was 8.
Not 28).Most likely to say: “Amaze.”Least likely
to say: “Wow. It’s pretty incredible that Chelsea managed to conquer Barcelona at the
Nou Camp. And without talismanic skipper, John Terry, too.”Impress her by:
Being nice to her friends. Ask them questions and buy them drinks.

The Career Girl

Most women I know are extremely ambitious, independent and hard-working.  From my
experience, many men find this impossibly attractive. There are some women, however, who
put their career so far beyond their personal life that, whilst they’re incredibly
successful, boyfriends tend to fall at the wayside. Be prepared to come second, at least
for the time-being.

Spends weekends: In the office.

Least likely to say: “I’ve been planning my dream wedding since I was
tiny.”

Impress her by: Talking passionately, but not arrogantly, about your
job.

The Domestic GoddessAs my friends and I edge closer to 30, there’s inevitably more talk of ‘the
future’, but one friend in particular has had babies and boyfriends on the brain for
years. She’s naturally maternal, selfless and can cook anything. In short, total
wife-and-mother-material. She’s looking for a man who is kind, gentle, likes dogs
and abides cats.

Spends weekends: At the farmer’s market

Wouldn’t be seen dead in: A City bar

Impress her by: A date at a quaint pub; the kind that makes its own
cider.

The Drama Queen

A colleague sheepishly admitted recently that she started a row with her boyfriend for
no reason. “I just wanted some drama.” We all nodded in agreement. Women often
do this and it’s probably happened to you. Don’t worry about it. These tiffs
are actually pretty funny. When things kick off all the time, that’s your cue
to leave.

Spends weekends: In a packed bar, tweeting about conversations as they
happen

Most likely say: “It literally was the worst thing EVER”

Impress her by: Telling her when she’s being ridiculous. Drama Queens
like men who can hold their own.

The Guy’s Girl

You know the one. She only hangs around with men, claiming women “don’t
really like her” when in fact they’re just irked that she flirts with their
boyfriends and makes no effort whatsoever at female bonding. She’s sharp, funny and
can sum up the offside rule in one sentence. But — and this is a monumental but — be
wary of a girl that has no girlfriends.

Spends weekends: Down the pub

Wouldn’t be seen dead in: A hen party

Impress her by: Quips, banter and Rocky quotes. She likes a cheeky,
cocky Alpha Male.

And to quote my favourite ever line from Sex and the City; “I’m not
being a bitch, I’m just being myself.” Never was there a more telling summary
of modern woman.

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Reader’s Question

Hey Doc,I need your advice. My issue involves a stunning woman named Jasmine. We met at a party three years ago. She couldn’t get enough of my attention and begged me to stay and talk with her all night. We dated for a while until she moved away from the area. When she moved back, we started dating again. I maintained Challenge the whole time and even ended our friendship when she disrespected me once. She apologised and promised to never do it again. Impressed with the integrity she displayed, I allowed our friendship to continue. This time, when we started dating again, she said she wanted to be my girlfriend.

Is She Still Interested?

Recently, when I ran into a couple of relatives while with Jasmine, I introduced her as my friend and not my girlfriend. This made her upset, and she accused me of not being in love with her or, for some reason, embarrassed by her. The truth is that I wanted to move slowly. Now she’s not calling me as much and has not even returned a couple of my calls. I know I’m not supposed to be calling her more than she calls me, so I’ve stopped after two unanswered calls.Doc, I feel Jasmine’s Interest Level has waned. What should I do to get it back up? Am I being overly macho by not chasing a girl? I don’t want to turn her off even more by being less of a challenge. Is she just testing me over some small issue?Please help me decide what to do.
Glenn- who can’t figure her out

Doc Love’s Response

Hi Glenn,You are indeed correct: The relationship is based on the woman’s Interest Level and nothing else. But what most men tend to do is confuse
their own feelings with the woman’s feelings. To you psychology grads, this is
called projection and has nothing whatsoever to do with the Reality Factor. What you didn’t realise, was that the outcome of your relationship with Jasmine was determined very early on, when she moved out of the state.
Like my cousin Eddie Love says, “If she really loved you, she wouldn’t have
moved a thousand miles away.” So right there this thing was dead in the water. When a woman decides to put a lot of distance between the two of you, she’s telling you something. Glenn, you weren’t listening to what Jasmine was saying to you. Now take a close look at what happened between you and this lady. First she moves out of the state, and then she comes back and disrespects you. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, “Do you see a pattern here?” If you don’t, you should, my friend.

Ladies, you will LOVE  Personal Essay on Relationships from the New Yorker.

Now onto the gentlemen. You might not find your dream woman at a baseball game, a poker match, or at a UFC fight. You might not meet her fishing, going to swap meets, or attending a gamer convention.

She might not have anything in common with you. Listen to Paul Newman, talking about his marriage to Joanne Woodworth. They were married until he passed away at age 83.

And yet, when asked why he never was unfaithful to Joanne, he said:

“Why fool around with hamburger when you have steak at home?”

They met on a set of a movie. That’s not likely to happen to the majority of those reading this… So gentlemen, where can you find a good girl? Let’s go find you some “steak!”

You’re probably soooo over the bar scene, as you know it’s an exception to the rule if you leave there with a quality woman. So gentleman, where do you find a good woman?

Here are great places to meet quality women:

1. At Church

Did you see that one coming? Probably. But there’s more. You have to know what you’re looking for when you go to church. You’re looking for that woman, not necessarily the one involved in everything, or the one who notices you (lots of marriage hungry women roam the cathedral halls)… You’re looking for that woman with sincerity in her eyes, who makes conversation with the elderly woman in the back, who’s quick to give the children hugs on the way to potluck. She’s the one who smiles a lot, the one you can tell is happy and content. She’s not busy trying to please everyone, trying to wear too many hats, but she’s happy to help when there’s a need. I find that for the most part, church girls have less of a problem looking to a man as the leader of the home and because they answer to a higher power and have a spiritual connection, they’re probably making it an aim to live less selfishly.

2. Volunteering

That’s not a place, you say? Yes, but this is me trying to encourage you to volunteer with the hopes that you will enjoy the experience of serving others and possibly meet a woman who loves to serve. Marriage and relationships is all about serving another person, so to find a woman who already does that on her own, most likely you will find a great gal. 

Where do women like to volunteer? Here are some places:

• Homeless shelters
• Hospitals
• Soup Kitchens
• Animal shelters and adoption fairs
• Nursing homes
• Boys and Girls Clubs
• Habitat for Humanity

3. The Library

There’s something to be said about a woman who spends her free time reading. She’s more open-minded than your average woman, and she has an inquisitive nature. She’s the kind of woman who wants to learn, grow, or improve herself. She’ll definitely be a great conversationalist, even if at first she’s introverted. Once you get past that shell, you’re probably going to be in for a treat.

4. The Hospital

Oh my, this place is a goldmine for great women. Why? People in medicine, especially nurses, LVN’s and CNA’s, these are women in the helping professions. Intuitively these women care for people and have chosen a field where they can daily serve people. This is a tough one in terms of trying to meet a woman here if you don’t have connections. But, if in the uncanny event that you’re ever in for treatment or because you’re in an accident, keep your eyes peeled! Or, ask your buddies if they know any nurse friends:)

5. Professional Lectures and Workshops

You know those flyers for seemingly boring lectures colleges and universities have posted all around campuses? If you’re a creative guy, this might be a great place for you to meet your beautiful opposite. The sexy, intellectually curious chick might just be your type. She might just be the one to bounce ideas with, the one whose opinion you’ll trust when it comes to important decisions.

6. Theaters, Dance halls, Theater and Art Workshops, Poetry Readings, Creative Writing Classes

Now if you’re more the analytical, numbers and logic type, you might want to start frequenting your local theater, Art Community Center, or start taking workshops. These are where the creative people hang out. Whether it be a class on painting, sketching, writing, etc… the more interactive the venue, the easier it will be for you to start up a conversation. MUCH less daunting than approaching a stranger at a quiet art gallery. If she was in the theater production, you can talk to her afterwards and tell her you loved her performance. Same with if she was in a dance production or poetry reading. If you are in a theater or art workshop or a creative writing class, you can talk about each other’s work. This is a great avenue for you to meet women who are your compatible opposite.

7. Girl’s Car Washes and Bake Sales

Maybe you’re wondering why this? Those girls are not even legal! Ha! Calm down gentlemen, I’m talking about the women who have to supervise these girls. These are sponsors, elementary and high school teachers, dance instructors, cheerleading coaches. Teachers are great catches… but it would seem really weird and creepy if you started roaming the halls of elementary schools and high schools. This is the PERFECT time to meet some teachers. While you’re getting your car washed, you have a good 10 to 20 minutes to chat up the cute teachers. Plus you’re going to leave a good tip, and maybe ask for a number? Since they’re trying to sell their services, they are going to be extra willing to talk and be cordial. This is the time to put your game face on and be charming and brave. What if she says no? You’ll never see her again. What if you don’t make your move? You’ll be missing out on dating some fit dancers and some very patient and lovely teachers who you know will make wonderful mothers.

8. Anywhere People Protest

Those picketers, whether they are anti-war protesters or union strikers or protesters for any other cause, they are passionate about something. That’s more than you can say for most people. They are passionate enough to fight for something, to spend their free time to make a statement. One thing’s for sure: you want a woman who is passionate about something. Just as long as you don’t strongly disagree with what she’s protesting, this is a great place to meet women. You can always find time to strike up a conversation while they’re holding a sign right? I mean, she’s not going anywhere!

9. Marathons, Walk-a-thons, Bike-a-thons or any Event Where Proceeds will Benefit a Charity

It’s back to the do-gooder. Maybe she’s running because her mom was a breast cancer survivor. Maybe she is a breast cancer survivor. From this you can gather, she cares about family, she has a different perspective on life. She probably doesn’t sweat the small stuff as much as your average woman. She has a profound respect for her health and the time she has left on earth. She probably doesn’t take things for granted as much now. These are people who have learned contentment and gratitude having weathered the storms of life.

10. Your best friend’s backyard BBQ

This is BY FAR the best place to meet a good girl. Why? because there’s a reason why she’s friends with your best friend. In the end, there’s tons of good girls, but only some are your kind of good girl. And you both having that personal connection with your buddy makes it that much easier to connect, to have chemistry. So many love story meetings are that typical, “Oh, she was a friend of a friend’s,” or “Oh, he was my friend’s cousin.” So even though it doesn’t make for the most spectacular beginning, many times it leads to the most spectacular feeling of butterflies in your stomach. And when you get that, I mean, who cares how you met them?